


The Choices We Make, The Consequences We Face

by TheWordsInMyHead



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: 608 divergence, Bellamy & Madi bonding, Bellamy is in Denial, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, Josephine Lightbourne Possessing Clarke Griffin, Miller & Clarke Friendship, Unplanned Pregnancy, or not there's no way to know this didn't happen, rewritting history
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-30
Updated: 2019-07-27
Packaged: 2020-05-30 22:43:22
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 10,960
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19412920
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheWordsInMyHead/pseuds/TheWordsInMyHead
Summary: Takes place right after Emori tells the group about Clarke being alive.When Josephine realizes that Clarke’s friends know she is alive, she goes to confront them. Lucky for her, she has an ace up her sleeve which is sure to convince them to see things her way.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> After last weeks episode ended, I wanted more. So I came on here and started reading because that’s what I do. One of the stories I read had a line which inspired this, I’m sorry I can’t remember which one it was. I went back through a bunch of fics to try and find the exact line, but I couldn’t. Seriously I looked hard enough that I’m starting to wonder if I just imagined reading it. Anyways the line was something along the lines of Josephine snarking about how Bellamy should just leave her be in Clarke’s body. Which got me thinking, in what circumstances could she actually have a legitimate chance of convincing Bellamy to leave her be. 
> 
> And thus this story was born, 
> 
> Hope you enjoy! 
> 
> Oh also, Madi is still here because I think it's ridiculous that she was able to sneak away after straight up confessing that she wanted to go on a murder spree. Bellamy is a better parent than that or at least he is in my world.

“I think it’s time we all had a chat,” Josephine remarks seeming to appear out of thin air and into a seat at the table where not two minutes before Bellamy, Echo, Miller, Jackson, Jordan and Madi were all gathered quietly planning the best way to capture Josephine and save Clarke. 

All of them give her blank stares, unwilling and unable to deal with her antics at the moment. 

“Okay then,” she says primly folding her hand in front of her on the table, “I guess I’ll start!” 

“There is nothing that needs to be said,” Bellamy cuts her off gruffly, placing a calming hand on Madi’s shoulder beside him. 

“Oh I wouldn’t be so sure, I think you're going to want to know this…” she trails off in suspense like she is some great showman, “Clarke’s alive!” 

When no one reacts to the shocking news she continues all humour gone from her voice. 

“Yeah, that’s what I thought. Turns out that Emori isn’t suited for the prime life after all, don’t worry I’ll be sure to keep John company,” she says with a smirk. 

For a second Bellamy considering telling her that Emori wasn’t the culprit, but if there is any chance that she isn’t aware that Clarke can send messages, he needs to keep it that way. He’ll do what he can for Emori later, but for now he remains silent. The rest of the group follows his lead. 

Frustration colour Josephine’s face at their continued speechlessness. “I’m going to explain this to you all really slow so you can understand,” she says condescending, threateningly, “since you seem to have some delusions that this revelation changes things.” 

“There is no saving Clarke. Two consciousnesses cannot exist in the same body, at the same time and I've already called dibs.” She pauses for a moment so that they can absorb the inevitable truth of her words. “So, what going to happen is you all are going to help me build an EMP, just like the one you used on Raven, to get her out of _**my**_ head.” 

Part of her is hoping that one of them will ask how she knows that little tidbit of information so she can mess with them for longer, the other part just wants to kill them all and be done with trying to be cordial. 

“Or....” Echo asks what everyone else is thinking. 

“Or our collective brain will melt down within the next 36 hours and this body will die. I’ll be fine, either way I am backed up on the mind drive,” she says with a passive shrug, “but that just seems like such a waste, especially with a body as nice as this one, because let’s be clear here, either way Clarke is just as dead.” 

The blunt way in which she pronounces Clarke’s fate, as though it were a certainty rather than a possibility, sends a sense of foreboding through the group. While no one here is ready to give up on Clarke, the fast approaching deadline adds more pressure to the already almost impossible task of saving her. 

Around the table, the various occupants react to the bleak news differently. Miller looks concerned, Jackson curious, Jordan heartbroken. For Echo and Madi both, the extra obstacle just seems to add another layer of determination to their stance whereas Bellamy just looks resigned. 

“I honestly might prefer that option,” Bellamy decides, speaking softly. Having Clarke’s body still here, walking around and talking, had made all of this so much harder. If there was truly no way to save her, he thinks he would rather have all of her gone then just the part of her that made her special missing. 

“I had a feeling you might say that,” Josephine remarks with a self-satisfied look, “which is why we needed to have this little chat in the first place, make everything a little bit more exciting.” 

“You see,” she says dramatically, “losing Clarke’s face is not all you would be giving up if you let this body die.” 

She trails off, enjoying playing with them too much to just get right to the point. 

Everyone around Bellamy seems to be either confused or annoyed at Josephine’s cryptic wording, but he instantly feels his stomach drop. He has a feeling he knows what’s coming and honestly, it's probably his worst nightmare. 

“Clarke’s expecting,” she announces with false cheer. 

Around the table confusion morphs into shock. The blood drains from Bellamy’s face and panic starts to set in. 

When Josephine sees his reaction a predatory gleam enter her eyes. “At first when I heard the news I was unbothered. I figured I would wait until we could tell if the child would carry the nightblood, as you refer to it, gene and then terminate if necessary. I figured that Clarke had just had some fun with a random, hey I’m not judging, a girl is allow to have some fun, but then after hanging out with Clarke last night and seeing how heavy a certain someone is featured in her memories, I realized that is was so much more than a little bit of fun.” 

She looks straight at Bellamy seeming to delight in the way she is blowing up his life and everyone one else follows her lead. Bellamy for his part, continues to look pointedly down at the table trying to get his racing heart under control. 

“So here are your options,” she says, suddenly bored with this conversation, the game no longer amusing, “let this body die and your baby along with it or help me remove Clarke permanently. And then, even though the thought of pregnancy disgusts me, I’ll carry to term and you can have a little piece of your beloved Clarke back. You have 2 hours to decide. Clocks ticking.” 

And then with a flourish she is up, out of her seat and gone leaving behind a mass of destruction in her wake.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Takes place right after the end of last chapter.
> 
> Hope you enjoy!

A wave of silence fills the room as the door closes behind Josephine, no one quite sure what to say. Bellamy in his own little world, still sits at the table while everyone else is on their feet, ready to do something, anything, to make this better. Jackson is leaning against one of the posts with Miller by his side, arms crossed. Madi paces back and forth, a nervous energy filling her body. Echo stands closest to Bellamy, her face a blank mask.

Eventually Madi cracks under the pressure, breaking the stillness with an outraged, “You guys aren’t seriously believing this, right?”

When none of the others automatically agree she repeats herself. “Right? Come on she is a compulsive liar, who would do anything, say anything, to ensure he own survival. Why is anyone taking what she said seriously? It’s probably not even true.”

Miller casts a glance over at Bellamy. “He sure seems to think it’s at least possible.”

“But possible doesn’t necessarily mean true,” Jorden says reminding everyone of his presence.

Turning to Jackson, Miller asks, “is it possible?”

Jackson looks alarmed at the question, “how am I supposed to know!?”

“Aren’t you a doctor?” Madi poses the question unimpressed.

“Oh right, yeah— well theoretically, if they actually....” he looks towards Bellamy who still looks like he might pass out any second then over at Echo, standing like a stature. Unsure of the best way to phase such a thing in their collective presence, he ultimately decides on an awkward hand gesture to get his point across. “Then yeah, definitely possible, Clarke’s implant would have worn out years ago.”

Biting back a smile at his boyfriend awkwardness, Miller clarifies his question. “Is it possible that Josephine would know already?”

“Oh,” Jackson says with a sigh, embarrassed at his mistake, “well it would depend on when they—“ he cuts himself off, not about to fall into that trap again, “the date of conception. But with the technology they have here, she would know pretty early.”

So basically, they are no farther to figuring this all out then they were 10 minutes ago Miller thinks bitterly. They need more information and the only way they are going to that information is straight from the source. He looks over at Bellamy again.

Echo’s thoughts must mirror his because she relaxes her stance slightly and walks back over towards Bellamy.

“Bellamy,” she calls out hesitantly once she is standing across the table from him.

At Echo’s voice he starts up, all of the panic, all of the pressure, that he had barley been containing overwhelming him. He has a girlfriend who despite everything he loves. He has a kid, a _kid_ , who he needs to make sure actually has a chance to be born. He has Clarke, his best friend, his partner, his whatever Clarke is to him, who he still needs to figure out how to save. He has a… Madi, who he needs to make sure doesn’t go off the deep end killing primes in a destructive need for revenge. For a minute he wonders what Octavia is up to, not because he needs another person in his life to worry about, but because for so much of his life she was all he had to worry about.

The more he thinks about it all the more all of the responsibility threatens to shatter him, but he can’t let it. He has people who are counting on him to keep it together, starting with Echo who desperately deserves an apology and an explanation.

He looks up at her trying to convey how truly bad he feels about all of this with his eyes, “I’m so sor—”

She cuts him off with a raised hand and a shake of her head.

“Echo,” he says sorrowfully.

“Don’t, just don’t,” she says. Then taking a deep, calming breath she adds, “I’m not mad,” at his disbelieving look she amends her statement. “Okay I am mad, but this isn’t the time or the place to be mad. There is literally a ticking time bomb waiting to go off. You have other things that need your attention right now, I can understand that. After we get through all of this, then we’ll talk, okay?”

He lets out a sigh of relief, her thoughtful words lifting a little bit of weight off of his tired shoulders.

For Echo‘s part, she may be angry, but she isn’t all that surprised. There was a Bellamy and Clarke long before there was a Bellamy and Echo.

Before Bellamy can make any more attempts at an apology, an irritated Murphy walks through the door followed closely by Emori.

“What’s going on?” He asks the group annoyed, “because all of a sudden Josephine seems to believe that you all are just going to help her and I can’t seem to convince her otherwise.”

When no one there makes a move to answer his question, a dark look passed over his face. _Fine_ he thinks, if that’s how they want to play this.

“Come on Emori, let's go, we don’t need them,” he says grabbing hold of her hand and making his way back to the door.

“Were you ever going to tell us that Clarke was actually alive in there?” Bellamy asks brokenly before they can reach the exit.

“No” Murphy says simply turning back around to face the group.

At that declaration, Madi looks like she is ready to kill him. Bellamy looks possibly even more upset then before.

Murphy continues, ignoring their reactions. “What good would it have done for you to know?” He asks rhetorically. “It doesn’t change anything, Clarke’s still going to be dead. It just would have meant you had to mourn her twice.”

“Your wrong,” Bellamy says thinking about how knowing had resulted in Josephine coming in here to begin with. Without knowing they might have never learned anything about the baby.

“It appears that Clarke was pregnant,” Jordan fills him in helpfully.

“Well shit,” Murphy deadpans looking towards Bellamy.

If the situation wasn’t so stressful and he didn’t already have a million thoughts running through his head, then Bellamy thinks he would be annoyed how everyone automatically looks at him when they find out about Clarke. As it stands, he has bigger issues than confronting the fact that everyone seems to assume that him and Clarke are more than they are.

“We still don’t actually know that Josephine said was true,” Madi reminds them annoyed.

“Right,” Miller says trying to take control of the situation, turning to Bellamy he asks “do the dates make sense?”

“Uh,” Bellamy responds slightly confused. “How long ago was it you two got on?” Murphy cuts in indignant.

Bellamy runs his hand across his face and through his hair agitated and uncomfortable with the line of questioning, “how long was it from when we first landed back on the ground to when we left?” he asks the remaining members of spacekru.

“I’d say just over a month,” Echo says after a moment looking towards Emori for conformation. Emori nods her agreement.

“Okay, and we have been down here for almost a week now. So… 6 weeks give or take a couple days.”

Miller looks over at Jackson to remind him that it is his turn to speak.

“At 6 weeks Josephine would definitely know, especially if she had blood tests done like she suggested,” Jackson tells the group.

“Wait so you’re telling me that Clarke left you to die in the fighting pits after you guys hooked up,” Murphy interjects unhelpfully, amusement clear in his voice, “must have been some experience.”

Emori puts her hand on his arm to silence him with a significant look in Echo’s direction.

Like everyone else, Bellamy has had more than enough of Murphy’s antics, but it’s Clarke and he’ll defend her till the day he dies, so he starts to say, “it’s not her fault—”

“Yeah, yeah, yeah, we know. You started the fight by putting the chip in Madi’s innocent little head,” Murphy finishes him.

“No actually” he says without thinking, his frustration with the situation morphing into a need desperate need to discredit Murphy, to prove him wrong, “the fight which really wasn’t ever a fight, more of a disagreement, a distancing, started,” he pauses with a wary glance at Echo, suddenly regretting his reckless behaviour. “It started when we met back up with you two,” he says looking at Madi and Echo.

If Echo has any profound feelings about that revelation, she doesn’t show them, her face remains blank. Emori has no such control.

“You can’t seriously be telling me that she expected you to suddenly drop Echo?” She asks Bellamy incredulously, the only one there blatantly closer to Echo than Clarke.

“No, she didn’t know about Echo, right?” Miller guesses correctly thinking back to dropship days and another guy who slept with Clarke while with someone else.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, okay I know I just compared Bellamy to Finn and it sucks because Bellamy is supposed to be better than that right? But don’t worry, on the surface it’s similar but next chapter I’m going dive into it all more, I’m thinking a flashback is in order. 
> 
> Thanks for reading!


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay I’m about to get sappy for a moment so if you don’t care just skip on through what is probably going to be a ridiculously long authors note. 
> 
> If your still here, I just want to say thank you. I have written stories for years, had ideas for ones for even longer, but never had to confidence to share them, I just really thought that no one would care. But I decide to push myself anyway, try and face my fears and all that. So a little less than a month ago I posted my short little snippet less and the amount of support I have gotten since then just blows my mind. To every person who has clicked on, liked, commented on, bookmarked or subscribed to this or one of my other works, from the bottom of my heart thank you. You all have given me the confidence to do something I love. 
> 
> Okay sappiness over, thanks for listening to me ramble. 
> 
> I hope you enjoy!

_“No, she didn’t know about Echo, right?” Miller guesses correctly thinking back to dropship days and another guy who slept with Clarke while with someone else._

Bellamy’s pointed silence is enough confirmation for the group that Miller’s assessment is correct. 

Miller looks at Bellamy speechless, like he doesn’t recognize the man standing before him. Murphy appears to find the whole thing amusing while Echo remains impassive. Madi and Jordan, for their part, both look like they would rather be anywhere else. If he wasn’t worried that Madi would start offing primes the moment she left his sight, he would send them away, save them from this incredibly awkward conversation. 

“What were you thinking?” Miller asks him incredulously, like he still can’t believe how stupid Bellamy was for getting himself into this situation. 

The question sets an already agitated Bellamy on further on edge which is only extenuated by Murphy saying, 

“I’m pretty sure he was thinking with is—” 

“Shut up Murphy!” Bellamy yells voice deep with anger. 

A tense silence fills the room until Miller prompts “well…” when it’s clear that Bellamy isn’t going to just answer the question. 

“Well I clearly wasn’t thinking very rationally, now was I,” he snaps, aggressively. Talking about all of this is resurfacing memories that he has spent the last month and a half trying to ignore.

* * *

_Waiting for Dyoza to finally agree to his terms and lead him to Clarke is torture. It’s been over 6 years since he’s seen her, waiting an extra 5 minutes shouldn’t be the end of the world, but the world already ended and her with it. Or so he thought anyway. Now he is just desperate to see her. And Dyoza knows it, she much be pretty important to you, echoes in his head._

__

_Finally, she must take pity on him, or else she just realizes that his fragile control on his emotions is about to snap and doesn’t want to be around for the explosion. Either way she motions to a nearby guard, directing him to take Bellamy to the prisoner._

__

_It would make sense for him to pause at the door to her prison, to hesitate for a second. It’s been a long time. He changed; he’s sure she has too. But when he sees that door there is no moment of uncertainty. When the door opens and he sees her lying there it is pure instinct that has him wrapping his arms around her._

__

__

_He is Bellamy and she is Clarke. No amount of time or distance is ever going to change that._

__

__

_“You’re really here,” she says breathlessly._

__

__

_This disbelieving way in which she says those words rips another piece out of his already fractured heart. He holds her impossibly tighter as if to silently say, I’ll never leave you alone again._

__

__

_There is no telling how much time passes, but eventually Clarke must feel the pressure of the outside world creeping in because she reluctantly moves out of his arms._

__

__

_“Madi?”_

__

__

_“She’s safe, she’s with the others.”_

__

__

_“The others. You’re here, you’re really here,” she repeats over and over to herself thinking maybe if she says it enough times, she’ll start to believe it._

__

__

_He pulls her back into his embrace needing to feel the certainty her physically there beside him. She moves easily, just as desperate._

__

__

_Unconsciously he starts to stroke her back, whether to reassure himself or her is doesn’t know, fingers landing in the small space of exposed skin where her shirt and pants meet._

__

__

_Her face already buried in his neck burrows further. Her hands find their way into his hair. Her lips make contact with his skin._

__

__

_And just like that the air in the room switches, tension builds so thick that it can be felt with each breath. There has always been sparks between, since their very first conversation straight, but life and circumstances had continually prevented them from ever taking hold, from ever becoming more. Now, even though there are a million other things that need their attention, there’s no stopping. The fire is ignited and there’s no going back._

__

__

_“Clarke,” he groans, whether in warring or appreciation is unclear._

__

__

_Still Clarke pulls back enough that he can see her eyes, pupils blown wide with desire, desire that he’s sure is reflected in his own._

__

__

_For a minute they just look at each other, understanding passing between them. Six years of separation erased in a minute. They move towards each other in sync, lips meeting in the middle. For once neither of them thinking with their heads. There’s nothing but heart here._

__

__

_There are a hundred very good reasons why he shouldn’t do this, but the choice is made. He’ll willingly face whatever consequences come with it._

* * *

__

__

_It’s everything he ever dreamed it would be, but also nothing like he thought. It was fast and desperate, build off of a need to feel alive and close to one another rather than some grand gesture of love. Not to say there wasn’t love, there was. Always had been if he’s being honest. But it’s not the kind of love that he has ever associated with sex._

__

__

_Still he feels a sense of ease, as though a missing part of him has returned, like he is finally a whole person again and not just a ghost._

__

__

_They have never been here before, but even as Clarke pulls on her shirt, the dynamic seems familiar. There’s no awkwardness. They make no promises to each other, at least no promises to each other that hadn’t already been made. In fact, they don’t talk about it at all. Both of them conscious that their time to be just Bellamy and Clarke, the individuals, has run out. They have people to protect, decisions to make, a bunker to open._

__

__

_Still Clarke hesitates a moment before opening the door. Turning around she gives Bellamy a look which he returns doing his best to convey all the emotions he has no words. She must understand because she gives him a small smile, so inherently her that he feels a sense of rightness envelope him._

* * *

__

__

“Actually no, I take that back,” he says after a moment lost in memories, “I was thinking just fine. In that moment, after so many years apart, of missing each other, we needed it. Needed to feel that connection. I can’t pretend to regret it.” 

“But I’m sorry that it might have hurt you,” he says to Echo meaning every word. 

“And what about Clarke?” Miller asks him still unimpressed. 

Bellamy just stands there, eyes of Miller, clearly unsure of what he wants from him, but exasperated enough that even if he did know, he isn’t sure he’d say anything. 

“How about all the ways your impulsivity hurt Clarke, are you sorry for that?” Miller asks heatedly. 

“Who ever said Clarke was hurt? Why is she suddenly a victim?” Bellamy responds incredulously, outraged at both the suggestion that he would ever to something to hurt Clarke and the idea that she could have possibly been manipulated into all of it. Clarke Griffin is many things, naïve isn’t one. 

“You did says she was mad at you,” Jordan reminds him timidly. 

With a sigh, Bellamy realizes that if they are ever going to move past this he is going to have to explain. 

“Yes she was mad, although I’d go with frustration, but not because I didn’t tell her about Echo in the moment. Or because I wasn’t planning on leaving Echo for her,” he says with a pointed look in Emori direction, “she was angry because I had kept something from her. We don’t do secrets, we aren’t supposed to hide the darker parts of ourselves from each other. I should have told her, everyone knows that, but she wasn’t hurt like your implying.” 

All around the room people look back at him with varying degrees of disbelief on their faces. 

He doesn’t why everyone is making such a big deal out of all of this. It didn’t mean nothing, the reality is that is never could, but it also wasn’t everything. Because the truth is their relationship is so much more than that one moment. It’s all the moments before it and all the moments after it combined. It’s the good, the bad and the ugly. His heart isn’t breaking because he lost someone who he slept with once, it’s because he lost his best friend, his partner, the first person to make him believe in himself, in his ability to be good, that he mattered. 

But as everyone continues to look at him like he is the biggest idiot in the world, he realizes that is doesn’t matter. Maybe he is, but in this particular instance, it’s not up to them to decide. 

“You can’t seriously believe—” Miller starts to interject before Bellamy cuts him off. 

“Enough!” he tells the group eyes dark, voice low as he reaches a level of calm much more dangerous than yelling, “I am done talking about this.” 

He doesn’t have the time or energy to try to explain his and Clarke’s nuanced relationship anymore. And really, he should have to. Out of all the people here there is only one who has a right to ask these questions and she is still standing silently across from him. 

Plus, they are running out of time. Josephine’s count down looming over them like a black cloud in a blue sky.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m sorry this took a little bit longer to come out, I sort of struggled with the flashback scene, plus these chapters just seem to be getting longer. I'll try have the next one out by Monday, till then 
> 
> Thanks for reading!


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I meant to have this out yesterday, but then I spent most of the weekend compulsively checking Twitter for all the Beliza stuff coming out of Montreal comic con so I didn’t get nearly as much writing done as I thought I would. Anyways here’s the chapter, 
> 
> Hope you enjoy! 
> 
> Also you’ll notice that I updated the chapter information. After the mess that was writing last chapter, I realized that I actually needed a plan to where this was going. I’m thinking I might also redo the summary and tags since this all ended up being much more than I originally thought, any opinions?

With his harsh words everyone seems to remember the real reason that they are all gathered. The room turns somber and Bellamy’s mood along with it. For a minute he wishes he could hold on to the anger, the self-righteous attitude, because it’s so much easier than the complete and total helplessness he feels now. 

“What are we going to do?” Bellamy asks the room. 

Although his frustration at him is far from gone, Miller feels some of it evaporate looking at Bellamy’s forlorn expression. The guy might be the biggest idiot he’s ever encountered and he definitely went about everything wrong, but there is no questioning the love he has for Clarke regardless of his misguided ways. 

“I think it’s got to be up to you,” Miller says surprising Bellamy and everyone in the room. 

“What! Really?” Bellamy responds, startled. 

“Yeah I mean, her mom isn’t here, but even if she was, I still think it should be your call.” 

This feels like a test, one that Bellamy is wary of failing. 

“Because of the baby?” He asks hesitantly. 

“No. Well yes, but no. Even before all this... you’re clearly the one who was closest to her. After all, it was you who realized she was gone in the first place.” 

Instead of being a comfort, Miller’s words create a pit in Bellamy’s stomach and a weight on his shoulders. Although considering his earlier indignation, it quite possible that those feelings were the desired effect. 

Bellamy turns towards Madi, conscious that she should have some say in this situation. He might have been the closest person to Clarke, but the person Clarke was closest to was definitely Madi. 

“What do you think?” He asks the child. 

“Isn’t it obvious? We save Clarke.” 

She says it all like it’s the easiest decision in the world and maybe to her it is. She is only twelve, she has never been responsible for a child, never been willing to do just about anything to keep that child happy and safe. But Clarke has. 

“It’s not that simple,” he tells Madi softly, sadly. 

“Yes, it is! It is if you make it that simple.” She continues before he has time to interject, “look I get it, it's your kid, you want to do whatever you can to protect it. Clarke is the same way about me. But that’s where you’re wrong. It’s not your kid yet, it’s nothing.” 

Bellamy starts shaking his head, her view on this whole subject so incredibly naïve. 

“An hour ago you didn’t even know it existed!” Madi yells at him outraged. 

“Madi,” he says desperately, as if he can make her understand everything he is feeling though his tone alone. 

“What,” she responds aggressively, daring him to try and actually come up with a counter point. “Why would we ever even consider sacrificing Clarke, someone who we all love, for the possibility of something we don’t even know? It’s not even that dire, we could choose Clarke and the baby, that we _still_ don’t know actually exists, could be fine. Or you know what, if the idea of kids is something you’re suddenly attached to, we could just save Clarke, you two could just finally figure your lives out and then make another one!” 

By the end of her tirade Madi’s breathing is laboured and her face is red, all of her emotions, the frustration, the sadness, the hope, mixing together to create a volatile combination. 

For a moment Bellamy stands there in front of her speechless, unsure of how to explain everything in a way that she will understand and accept. None of the occupants in the room make any attempts to assist him in the difficult task. 

Just as he has finally settled on what to say even if it might not the right thing, Madi breaks his chain of thought. 

“You’re not going to listen to me no matter what I say,” she remarks bitterly, an odd mixture of resigned and defiant. 

“Madi,” he tries again, no more helpful this time then the last. 

“Save it,” she snaps, anger taking hold, as she turns to walk away from him, “but I’m not just going to stand her and watch you allow Clarke to be killed.” 

Her harsh words are like a slap in the face to Bellamy. _Great_ he thinks another person who he is letting down. No matter what he seems to do, someone is always mad at him. Still, he has a responsibility towards Madi, just the same any other child him and Clarke may or may not have. 

She hasn’t even made it past the first step up to her room before Bellamy’s voice stops her, “where do you think your going?” 

The glare she sends towards him is so strong it would knock over a lesser person, but this is familiar territory for Bellamy. Finally after hours of uncertainty and feeling useless, he knows what to do. 

“Look, I’m sorry that I can’t do what you want me to and you can be mad at me all you want, if it makes you feel even slightly better about all of this. But your going to have to do it from over there,” he points to a nearby set of tables, “where I can see you.” 

He can’t argue that he is making the right choice, can’t believe that Clarke would want him to ensure the safety of her unborn child over anything else, if he isn’t just as concerned about protecting Madi. 

With a dramatic sigh Madi makes her way over to the place Bellamy referenced, clearly unhappy, but unwilling to directly disobey him. 

When he is satisfied that Madi isn’t going to bolt, Bellamy turns back to the group, all the while being sure to keep her brooding figure in his line of sight. 

“Does anyone else have anything to add?” Everyone remains silent. “Okay well then we need to make sure that Josephine is actually telling the truth and then if she is… we go forward with the EMP.” 

Just because he knows it’s the right call, knows it’s the one she would make, the one she would tell him to make, doesn’t make hearing those words any easier. In fact, he almost takes them back the moment they leave his mouth, disgusted with himself for being willing to give up on Clarke so quickly. But before he can get to far down the road of self-hate, Bellamy hears a voice in his head, eerily similar to Clarke’s, reminding him to think with his head not his heart. 

Everyone must notice his hesitation because no one asks him of he is sure, perhaps knowing that he would not have the strength to say those words twice. 

“Okay then, glad that we are all on the same side again,” Murphy responds mockingly since it’s clear that no one in the room is any closer to forgiving him despite the new circumstances. 

“Where do we start?” Echo asks and everyone turns towards Bellamy like he is some how supposed to know that right answer. 

Can’t they see that he is barely hanging on by a thread, that he shouldn’t be responsible for making any decisions right now, that he just needs a minute to process this all before he can go back to being the strong leader. He needs someone to lighten his load. Clarke would notice, she would get it and then step in, but Clarke is not here and she’s not— he stops himself. That’s a dangerous line of thought to go down, one that he can’t handle right now, especially since she isn’t here. There is no one to pass the burden of leadership off to, so he pulls himself together and does what he has to. 

“I guess the first step would be—” 

“We need more information,” Jordan interjects, cutting Bellamy off mid-sentence. “Even if we aren’t going try and remove the chip from Clarke, there’s still Delilah.” 

It couldn’t be more obvious that no one in the room had given a second’s thought to Delilah since the last time Jordan mentioned her as they all stand there staring at him. 

“He is right,” Echo remarks, not because she suddenly has a great desire to save the girl, but because she deeply feels the need to do something. To take some kind of action. 

Surprised by her response, Bellamy tries to make eye contact with Echo, but eventually gives up. 

“You are right,” he tells Jorden, “why don’t you go and see what you can find out.” 

“I’ll go with him,” Echo declares, glad to find some purpose. 

Jordan immediately movies to make his way out the door, Echo following closely behind. Before Echo has chance to make it through the door, however, Bellamy catches up with her, prompting her to stop with a gentle hand on her arm. 

“You don’t need to go,” he tells her softly, mistaking her desire to do something to help as a desire to get away from him. 

“Yes I do, you need answers and we both know that Jorden shouldn’t be walking around here unsupervised.” 

Even though he can see the truth in her words, he doesn’t want her to go. Her walking out that door feels to much like he is loosing another piece of himself, of his sanity. In so many ways her presence represents stability for him, normalcy. Six years in space in a long time. But she is right, she needs to go and he needs to let her. Still he can’t help but lean of her one more time, “do you think I’m doing the right thing?” 

She doesn’t know how to answer, how much to say; where her opinion ranks in this bizarre situation she has found herself in, if it even should. At this point any opinion she has on Clarke, even if it’s that they should prioritize her safety first, has the possibility of being misinterpreted. Eventually she decides to just talk to him like she would any other day. 

“I don’t think there are any right choices, there's just a whole bunch of not great options and you are going to have to do what you can with the best one in front of you. No one else can decide what that is for you, but Bellamy, just make sure you can be happy living with whatever you choose. No one needs regrets,” she finishes echoing one of their conversations on the ring about this same scenario, Clarke safely verses everyone else's. 

With those parting words, she walks through the door. For a minute he stands there stunned. It’s not the same, but even if it is, he made the right decision last time, Clarke told him as much. Living without regrets is a great idea up in the safety of space, mourning the supposed death of your best friend and the part you played in it, but here on the ground, in reality, it’s impossible to avoid them. It doesn’t matter what he wants to do, never has. 

“Are you coming back?” Miller’s voice breaks Bellamy out of his thoughts.

“If we are actually going to do this, then me and Emori need to go finish making the EMP,” Murphy remarks just as Bellamy rejoins the group. 

“Okay,” Bellamy says after a moments hesitantly. If it comes to that, they will probably need to move fast. It’s better to be prepared. It’s smarter. 

As the couple prepares to leave, Miller meets Bellamy eyes with a raised eyebrow silently asking if he thinks a good idea to leave Murphy in control of the EMP. Bellamy shrugs as if to say what do you want be to do. Miller tilts his head towards the retreating pair asking if he should go with them. Bellamy nods his head. 

“Do you want to come with me?” Miller asks Jackson as Bellamy calls out to Murphy. 

“Where would I be able to find Josephine?” Bellamy calls to Murphy halting his progress. 

“How am I supposed to know?” He replies snarky, “I’m not her keeper.” 

At Bellamy’s cold glare, Murphy relents, “try her studio, she likes to paint.” And then leaves along with Emori and Miller. 

“Your not going with them?” Bellamy asks Jackson. 

“No I figured you’d want be around to verify that Clarke is pregnant? You are going to go see Josephine now, right? The two hours are almost up.” 

Bellamy looks shocked at how much time has passed, quickly glancing at the clock on the wall. Okay he thinks, I guess I’m going to see Josephine. 

“Yes, your right. Let’s go,” he says trying to brace himself for the coming interaction. 

“I’ll meet you two there, I have got to get some supplies.” 

Right, he can do this he tells himself as he makes his way over to Madi. “come on, let’s go.” 

She doesn’t argue, just stands up and follows him out the door with arms crossed defiantly. 

As they set off in their way to Josephine, Bellamy is filled with a deep sense of foreboding. He has been trying to juggle too many things at once, Echo, Clarke, Madi, Josephine and he is afraid of what’s going to happen when he eventually stumbles and one of them falls.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading!


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this took so long to come out. I watched the new episode last Tuesday and then was consumed with an idea for a different story. So bad news, this took forever. Good news, there is one shot (that might end up being more than a one shot because I have ideas, but I’m going to make myself finish this before I go for any of those ideas) that you could check out while you wait for the next chapter. 
> 
> Anyways,  
> Hope you enjoy!

Walking into Josephine’s room feels like a death sentence to Bellamy and really it is, just not for him. 

“Took you long enough,” Josephine remarks when they enter the room, bouncing to her feet with a careless sort of indifference, “was it really that tough of a choice to make?” 

He makes no effort to respond to her quip, having learned a long time ago that the best way to deal with Josephine was to ignore most of what she says. 

“Oh, come on! What’s with the anger? You're having a kid, that’s supposed to be exciting. The beauty of new life not quite what it’s cracked up to be?” She asks the question mockingly, knowing full well that this is far from the idea situation to be in. “Or no wait, is it girlfriend problems? Was she not pleased that you and your platonic bestie were not actually so platonic after all?” 

It takes everything in Bellamy not to react, but he refuses to give her the satisfaction. Instead he just folds his hand into a fist, nails biting into his skin, clenches his jaw and reminds silent. 

She gives him a once over, taking in his tense body language and then lets out a satisfied smirk. She got the response she wanted, still it must not be enough because she turns her focus onto Madi lingering in the shadows of the doorway. 

“What about you, not interested in being a big sister?” 

Before Josephine can make any more remarks, Bellamy interjects. Right now he barely has the self-control to not lash out, he sincerely doubts that Madi does. 

“Okay that’s enough!” 

She tilts her head to the side like she is debating whether it is worth the wasted time defy him just for the sake of it, but ultimately she must decide that possibility of her brain melting is more important than messing with them because she remains silent. 

“Before I can make any decisions, I’m going to need more proof than your word,” he tells her. 

“What!” Josephine says with mock innocence, eye lashes fluttering, “you don’t think I would ever lie to you.” 

He desperately wants to get this all over with as quickly as possible, has absolutely no desire to play her games. It’s the responsible move, the smart move, to make sure that everything is verified before he gets too far into making decisions, but in his heart he knows that she is telling the true and would rather not have to drag this out. 

Ignoring her again, “Jackson is going to meet us at here to run some tests.” 

“And who ever said that I was going to be okay with you lot running random tests on me? Believe what you want about me, I don’t lie. Lying doesn’t get me anywhere. It is you guys who are the liars, walking around pretending that you are so much better than me. I’m not the one who destroyed an entire planet.” 

Listening to her talk, Bellamy suddenly realizes that when-- if this all turns out to be true, he is going to have another nearly 8 months of dealing with this psychopath. Finding out the truth is not the end of having to deal with her, it is the beginning. That thought alone nearly has him running out of the room and never looking back. 

But before he has a chance to seriously contemplate leaving, Jackson appears and he is reminded that abandoning Clarke isn’t an option, never has been. 

As Jackson briefly explains what he is going to do, Bellamy stands there glaring at Josephine, willing her to just go along with everything easily. He makes no effort to understand what’s going to happen, confident that Jackson knows what he is doing and will tell him everything he needs to know. 

Josephine puts no fight. While that is exactly what he wanted, it also removes his last shred of hope that she has been bluffing the entire time. 

A part of him, a larger part then he would like to admit, hopes that they will hear nothing when Jackson press the device to her stomach. Everything would be so much simpler if that were the case. They could just grab Josephine right now, take her back to the ship, to Abby, like they had planned and save Clarke. 

But nothing has ever been that easy for Bellamy. 

There’s a heartbeat 

Bellamy was always going to have complicated feelings about his own children, it would be impossible for him not to after the ups and downs of his relationship with Octavia, but as soon as he hears the noise all of his doubts wash away. His face sets into a grim line. This is his child, his responsibility. 

Josephine must recognize that she won because a cocky grin overtakes her face. “I guess it wasn’t that hard of a decision after all.”

  


* * *

  


A while later, after Jackson has left with a solemn pat to his back, Josephine interrupts Bellamy’s contemplative silence, “you are making the right decision, you know.” 

Bellamy just blinks at her, of course she would think that, this is the route that keeps her alive. 

“No, not just for me,” she says like she can read his mind, “for Clarke.” 

He is tempted to laugh at that remark, Josephine’s endorsement does absolutely nothing to alleviate the pressing guilt he feels for giving up on Clarke. 

“It’s the choice she would have made.” 

Even though he has made that exact same argument, her words make him irrationally angry. What right does she was to make that claim? And if she is making it, does that mean that it’s not true. Has she somehow been able to manipulate him into thinking about this all wrong? Does he not know Clarke any better than Josephine? That thought rips him apart. 

“It’s the choice that she _did_ make.” 

**What?** Her words break Bellamy out of his tail spin of emotions, “you can talk to her?” 

“Not right now, while I was asleep. She is tired, tired of all the fighting. She just wants some peace.” 

Bellamy must look sceptical because Josephine continues, “How did you think I knew to use an EMP?” 

She lets him sit with that revelation for a moment so that he will truly believe what she says next. “Sure, at first she was all passion and fire, ready to fight to get her body back; to get back to her people. But when she learned that you had taken my father’s deal and that her family was safe, she realized that she wasn’t needed here anymore, that you were here to protect everyone and she could just rest.” 

Even as he tries to convince him that Josephine doesn’t know what she’s talking about, Bellamy can feel another part of his heart break apart at the very notion that Clarke could ever think she was unneeded. He wants to tell her that he needs her, needs her so desperately that he feels like he can’t breathe without her, but he can’t. Not only because he is sure Josephine isn’t offering to facilitate a chat, but also because it wouldn’t be fair to her, to tell her he needs her only to let her go right after. 

Still if Josephine has talked to her, she might know the answer to a question he has been wondering, “did she know about the baby?” 

It really doesn’t make a lot of difference either way, but he would like to think that if she had known, she would have felt comfortable telling him. 

“I don’t think so,” Josephine responds, honestly clear her tone. Then looking at Madi over Bellamy’s shoulder, she adds, “I don’t know the answer to that question, but Clarke did ask me to tell you that she loves you.” For one brief second she seems human, unsettled and unsure. 

But when she turns back to Bellamy there’s a dark glint in her eye, whatever compassion he might have thought he saw completely gone. “She told me to tell _everyone_ that she loves them.” 

Josephine’s words send a rush of cold water down his back, the tipping point after a long and difficult day. Clarke loved him, but thought that he didn’t need her. She loved him and thought that he didn’t love her back. 

Fuck. 

Once the thought is in his head there is nothing else Bellamy can concentrate on. The air starts to feel thick, his heart feels like it’s going to beat right out of his chest. He thought everything was okay, that he could handle this all alone, but he can’t because she’s gone and she died thinking that she meant nothing when really she was everything.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah, I broke Bellamy. Sorry, but not really because quite frankly he needed a bit of breaking. 
> 
> I’m going to say that I’ll have the next chapter out by next Monday by the latest, like a week from now, so that I have some kind of deadline to hold myself to. Turns out I probably should have prewritten some of this before I started posting. What can I say, I’m new. 
> 
> Thanks for reading, let me know what you thought!


	6. Chapter 6

In the background Bellamy can hear Josephine continue to prattle on, can sense Madi fidgeting in the comer of the room, but it all feels distant. Like there is a layer of fog between him and them. 

He is trapped in his own mind with the unconceivable truth that he screwed up. He searches back through his memories, of all the things he said and the things that he didn’t, through years and years of interactions, trying to figure out where everything fell apart so spectacularly. 

He is forcefully pulled back to the present when he hears Josephine’s chipper voice, far too high, “okay, let’s do this!” 

“Huh,” he questions rather dumbly, still barely conscious of the world around him. 

For the first time in several moments, Josephine looks at Bellamy. She takes in his laboured breathing, the sweat on his forehead, the pallor of his dark completion, the dazed panic in his eyes, and sighs with exasperation. 

“Really? I can’t deal with this. I’m going to go find my father. You have ten minutes to pull yourself together or we are starting without you.” 

As Josephine walks briskly out of the room, Madi makes her way over to Bellamy, Josephine’s remark prompting an appraisal of her own. 

“Bellamy?” Madi asks once she is directly in front of him, all of her previous anger gone replaced by concern, “are you alright?” 

He can barely catch his breath so he just nods slightly, head still bent low. 

“Are you sure?” She asks again clearly nervous. 

At her obvious apprehension, Bellamy makes a conceded effort to pull himself together. Madi needs him. Lifting his heavy head, Bellamy looks at her and forces himself to speak. 

“I’m okay,” he says faintly. It’s not nearly enough, but at least it’s something. 

She gives him a sceptical look that is so Clarke, Bellamy feels what little control he gained, slip away. 

He can’t do this. 

He has to do this. 

“I just need a minute,” he eventually relents, “if I leave you here alone, promise not to hurt anyone.” 

She has barely made a sound in an agreement, before he is up and out the door.

* * *

Whatever hopes he had of fresh air helping are dashed the moment he steps outside. In fact it just seems to get worse. All he can hear is his heartbeat viciously thumping in his ears. His vision keeps blurring out in front of him, Sanctum’s landscape becoming a random mixture of distorted colours and shapes. 

He feels like he is dying and really, it’s fitting, he isn’t sure that a world should exist anymore where he is alive and Clarke isn’t. 

Finding a secluded corner, Bellamy falls to the ground with his head between his legs. He doesn’t know what happened, one minute he was fine, okay not fine, but cooping, and then the next he was consumed with this untenable panic. 

He should be good at this by now, he thinks bitterly, mourning Clarke has started to become a routine. He finds her, he has her, then she’s gone and he is left with a Clarke sized hole in his life. 

For some inexplicable reason he thought this time would be different, that this time he would actually get to keep her, even, as it turns out, he never really had her in the first place. Now he’s left mourning not only his past and present with her, but also the future that they will never have. He’s been here before and each time he has managed to pick himself up and continuing living, but this time, right now, he is not sure if he can or more importantly if he even wants too. 

Taking a deep breath, Bellamy tries to force air into his oxygen deprived body, the answer to releasing the pressure in his chest right there, just out of his reach. If only he could figure out why this is happening, he might be able to stop it. 

The reason slams into him like a punch, knocking the breath out of him in a totally different way. He loves her, he is _in love_ with her. It is such a simple statement, so obviously true it seems ridiculous that he is just now realizing it. 

Rationally he isn’t startled by this revelation. He knew, deep down, that he was in love with her, had been for a long time, probably for longer than even now, he is willing to admit. But every time the thought would enter his head in the past, he would tell himself that it didn’t matter, that what they were to each other was enough. That it was better to have her as a partner, a friend, a confident, than to possibly ruin what they _did_ have with tricky emotions. 

So much of their time together has been filled with one messy choice after another, it never seemed like a good time to add a, at best complicated, relationship on top of everything else they had to deal with. Eventually he pretended for so long, he forgot he was pretending in the first place. 

Instead of being filled with relief at the realization, he is instead just filled with regret. 

As much as he avoided the idea of something more, he thought his true feelings were always clear to her. He thought that he and Clarke were on the same page, that they were both playing the same game, but it turns out that he was playing and she was just following. 

Miller’s words come back to him, _how about all the ways your impulsivity hurt Clarke?_

All this time he was so busy ignoring his own feelings, he never stopped to consider Clarke’s. She died thinking that he didn’t need her, that he didn’t love her, all because he was too scared to have an actual conversation. 

His cowardliness got them trapped in a screwed-up situation where they were everything to each other and nothing all at once. 

And now he’ll never get the chance to make it right. 

He can’t do this. 

He has to do this. 

Wiping at his eyes, he is unsurprised to find that his hand comes away wet. With another deep breath, he gathers whatever calm he can and mentally prepares himself to face Josephine. He can’t do anything to change the way he treated Clarke, and he'll have to live with that regret for the rest of his life, but he can make sure he does better, starting with making sure their child is safe.

* * *

Bellamy finds Madi in the exact same place that he left her, nervously tapping her foot like she isn’t confident that he is going to come back at all, let alone in time to meet Josephine’s deadline. 

He knows that he must look a mess, hair wild, face puffy, eyes red, but he has no time to deal with the possible ramifications of everyone seeing him like this and honestly he doesn’t care much anyways. At this point there’s no hiding the fact the he is wrecked over Clarke Griffin and he wouldn’t want to even if he could. He is done pretending. 

Fortunately for him though, Madi makes no comment on his appearance. 

He gestures for her to follow him, still not confident that his voice will come out steady, but she reaming standing resolutely in place with her arms crossed. 

“No, I don’t agree with this, hell you don’t even really agree with this! I’m not going to stand there and watch Clarke get murdered. I can’t. I won’t.” 

“Madi, please…” he looks so pathetic, so beaten down, standing there in front of her that she almost caves. 

“I need to be there and so do you. It will be fast and this way we can get a bit of a chance to say goodbye,” his voice finally breaks on goodbye. 

“I don’t want to say goodbye,” she responds tearfully, for once sounding her age. 

“I know,” he wraps his arms around her, hoping to offer her some comfort and in turn taking some solace in her presence. 

Arm and arm they walk towards Josephine, both reluctant yet resigned to the painful path in front of them.

* * *

By the time they make it into the room where the procedure will take place, Josephine is already laying on the table, a bunch of wires attached to her head, talking quietly with her father. 

She only has time for a quick barb at him before Russel is injecting her with something to put her to sleep, perhaps conscious of the fact that his daughter is difficult to be around on the best day, let alone one of his worse. 

He takes a minute to observe her lying still and silent on the table. Unconscious she looks so much more like Clarke than Josephine 

As Russel moves around the operating table prepping instruments and checking wires, Bellamy desperately wishes that he felt even an ounce of uncertainty. If he wasn’t so confident that this is the route that Clarke would want him to take, the one she would take if she could choose for herself, then he would be able to put a stop to this. To flip the game on Russel and save her. To get a chance to fix all the mistakes he made. 

But real life doesn’t work like that and happily ever afters only exist in fairytales. We bare it so they don’t have to, never felt so literal. 

Instead he watches helplessly as Russel gently turns her body and makes an incision into the back of her neck, removing a chip covered in black blood. He’s about to watch the woman he loves die for the third time and there’s not a damned thing he can do to stop it. 

He sees Russel cover the wound with a temporary bandage and move to grab the EMP, but it feels like it is happening at a distance. The fog is back, separating him for the horrific scene in front of him. Numbing him to the inevitable pain. 

Though the haze comes Madi’s voice, as strong and angry as he has ever heard it. 

“Drop it!” She commands gesturing to the EMP, gun pointed straight at Russel. 

Russel looks up, hands stilled, only mildly concerned to see a child with a gun directed at him, mistakenly thinking that she won’t shoot. Bellamy has no such illusions. 

“What are you doing?” Bellamy asks Madi bewildered, mind racing to catch up. Where did she get a gun from? How? When? 

Gone is the emotional girl from five minutes ago, maybe she never really existed in the first place, replaced with a cold and calculating commander, ready to do whatever’s necessary. 

“Saving Clarke.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> One more chapter to go, thanks for reading!


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here we go, the final chapter, 
> 
> Hope you enjoy!

He gets it, he really does, there is nothing more he would like right now than to cheer Madi on, but he needs to be responsible, to use his head. 

Even though it is Madi who is holding the weapon, Russel still directs his questioning gaze towards Bellamy, silently asking him what the hell he’s doing, telling him to get control of the situation, to get control of Madi. 

If he didn’t already hate the man, the patronizing attitude he has towards Madi would do it. It’s no wonder Josephine has issues. 

Despite his repulsion at himself for it, Bellamy takes a second to gather his thoughts and then attempts to manage Madi, to _control_ her. 

He makes his way over to her, hands raised to take the gun. 

“Don’t move another step,” she commands, but her shaky voice ruins the effect. 

He may believe that she would shoot Russel given the proper motivation, but he doesn’t think for a second that she would be able to hurt him. Maybe that makes him naïve, but right now he needs to believe there’s still some fraction of the girl she once was inside her. 

“Madi, what are you doing?” He asks the question softly so Russel will not be able to hear clearly. 

“Saving Clarke,” she responds stubbornly. 

“We have been over this, it’s—” 

“No! You decide that. Just please… before you give up on her, at least give her a chance to come back.” 

He thinks back to all the ways that he has failed Clarke, a closing rocket door at the surface of his memories. He has let her down her so many times, continually choosing other people over her. The greater good always more important than her own happiness and inevitable his own. Doesn’t she deserve a chance to live. Doesn’t **_he_** deserve a chance for her to live. 

Madi must be able to sense his slight hesitation because she is quick to continue, “just give her a few minutes. She’s a fighter, I know she’ll fight to come back to us!” 

Still, he is reluctant to give in to Madi’s request, not because he doesn’t want to, that’s never been the problem. Or even because he doesn’t agree, at this point he has lost whatever shred of impartiality he originally had. No, he is hesitant because giving in to Madi means acknowledging that there is a possibility that Clarke could come back. And that possibility, the possibility of hope, terrifies him. 

But what’s life without hope. What’s the point of surviving if you are not also living? What good is using your head when your heart won’t be around to see it? 

He gives Madi a slight nod and the radiant smile that lights up her face convinces him that he made the right choice. 

“Okay well give her 5 minutes,” he tells the room. He expects Russel to argue, to at least have some objections to ignoring his daughter’s wishes, but instead he just remains silent. Maybe he has finally realized just how screwed up this whole thing is and wants to make it right. Or maybe he just thinks that it’s best not to anger the person holding a guy to his head, metaphorical or otherwise. He might think he's immortal, but the number of people around to put him in a new body is dwindling fast. 

Those first couple minutes are quite possibly the longest of Bellamy’s life and considering the life that he has had that’s saying something. They both stand there with baited breath, watching the brain waves flow on the screen attached to Clarke’s head, hoping, praying that they don’t disappear, that there is enough of Clarke left in there to come back. 

As the minutes pass, Bellamy starts to lose hope. In a desperate attempt to do something, anything, he yells towards the unconscious body “come on Clarke, wake up! You’re a fighter, get up and fight!” 

With his words, the machine monitoring her heart rate goes wild. For an unbearable minute no one is certain whether it means that she is waking up or dying. _Come on Clarke_ Bellamy chants silently this time, even as he mentally prepares himself to move into action if it turns out that they can only save her body and not the girl inside it. 

But he need not have worried because with a gasp, she bolts up like she is waking from a nightmare. She is waking from a very real nightmare. 

He only needs one look into her eyes, wide with shock and confusion, to know for certain that it’s her and then he is running into her arms only a few paces behind Madi. 

For a moment they just hold each other, calmed by the other’s presence, Madi a sobbing mess between them. They stay like that for a while, arms entwined in a complicated knot, neither of them willing to let go for fear that it was all a dream. 

Eventually he gains enough composure to pull back, reminding himself that she’s here and safe. That they have time again, that for the moment Madi needs her more than him. 

Clarke sends Bellamy a grateful glance and then focus all of her attention into the child in her lap. With both arms wrapped around her, Madi seems to disappear into Clarke’s embrace. She looks so small compared to a few moments before. Clarke begins to whispers comforting nonsense, face press into Madi’s dark hair, so quietly that Bellamy can’t make out the words from his place beside them. Slowly, as she rocks them back and forth gently, Madi’s breathing calms and the sobs subside. 

One arm still wrapped around Madi, she places the other on her still flat stomach directing a questioning look at Bellamy, _is everything alright?_

His eyebrows raise in surprise, he thought he was in for an awkward conversation informing her about the baby, he nods letting her know that as far as he is aware everything is good. 

He sends his own inquiring look back, _did you already know?_

She shakes her head slightly, “I could hear.” 

At that revelation, Bellamy feels his stomach turn to knots. If she could hear then she would know that he gave up on her before changing his mind at the last minute. 

Almost like she can sense where his thoughts are going, she grabs on to his arm, squeezing comfortingly. _You did the right thing_ she’s telling him _I don’t blame you._

Her forgiveness means everything to him so he tells her, “I love you. I need you.” 

For far too long they have left things unsaid, relying on meaning glances and lingering hugs to convey all that they feel for one another, no more. 

Her eyes turn glassy again and his along with hers. He has spent what feels like most of the last week trying to prevent emotion from taking hold, but here he lets it flow freely. Now are they tears of love and hope rather than grief and despair. 

It’s amazing that after all these years and all the things they have been through, neither of them has ever said those exact words. They both clearly felt it, but saying the words out loud feels different. 

They still need to talk, to figure everything out and he definitely needs to officially end things with Echo, but for now having the words outin the open is enough. Really it changes everything and he wouldn’t have it any other way.

  


* * *

  


Later, Bellamy finds Clarke outside with all of Sanctum spread out before her. He takes a seat beside her, but neither of them makes any move to speak, the silence comforting rather than tense. Together they watch the two suns slowly fade across the horizon reflecting on both today and all the days before it. 

“How are we going to do this Bellamy?” Clarke eventually asks as darkness and night take hold. “My attempt at raising a child nearly killed someone today and yours is somewhere running around the forest trying to atone for all the innocent people she killed. This isn’t a world that’s fit for children to grow up in.” 

Everything she says is true, the reality is that they are probably going to screw this up, but still for some unconceivable reason he has hope. “So we make it one.” 

After all, that was what they came down to this planet hoping to do, it was Monty’s last wish for them. **Do better**. And they will, for the people they already have and the ones to come.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow that’s it! My first multi chapter story finished. Over 10000 words and nearly 25 pages long, it feels like such an accomplishment. And you know what, I reread it all in preparation of writing this last chapter and I think it’s actually good. Of course there are things I would change, but overall I didn’t cringe reading it. That’s probably not that big of a surprise for you since you have obviously made it this far, but for me it was shocking. 
> 
> Thanks to all the people that have commented, subscribed, sent kudos or even just read this, it means the world to me.


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